Respected Madam/ Sir
Welcome to Mr. Mathrubootham food recipe website. Today I am going to make tomato and cheese pizza totally 100%. Why because totally free on Friday evening and suddenly during news reading on website one picture of pizza is appearing. And then many YouTube videos are saying pizza and all easy-o-easy even small children are making within one hour.
I will give step by step instructions. First of all you must announce pizza plan to entire family during morning breakfast time. Then please wait for 10 minutes for wife and son to laugh BabaBabaBaba like diesel generator behind wedding tent.
Next make list of all ingredients. Then go to kitchen. You will immediately find that out of 11 items required for pizza only two items are available. Water and salt. So you will tell wife, “Kamalam, I am going to shop to buy pizza items.” She will say, “Old man, don’t buy ₹3,000 items to make ₹15 pizza. I said, “Thank you for moral support Kamalam, without you what I will achieve in life.”
Next step is optional: immediately leave the family and start new secret life in Bengaluru or Ernakulam. If this is not possible, then please proceed to shop for purchasing items.
Next step is very important, please avoid shopkeeper and assistants like anything. If you say, “Thambi, what all items needed for pizza, please help,” they will look as if you have put one speech in Hindi during DMK meeting. Then they will say, “Uncle, people are spending crores to make food delivery company that is making crores of loss. You just order on the Internet no?”
After 45 minutes you will come home with all items. Wife will say, “How much wheat you bought? We cannot use in 15 years also.” Madam/ sir, make sure that right now tension and kolaveri are filling up body and brain of chef. Don’t worry whatsoever. It is very useful in the next stage when you have to mix water and flour and salt and mix and mix and mix. Just think of face of your family and within 10 seconds you will have nice pizza maavu.
Now put maavu in bowl and then make tomato and cheese and all. Recipe is saying please keep maavu in warm place. Just you put it in one corner and then put one towel on top then to avoid any confusion, put in the most corner of corners, behind a banana.
Then wife will come and say, “Old man, maid has come to clean house.” You will say, “No problem, I will come after 20-30 minutes. Brain is non-stop thinking of pizza. Will it be tasty? Will it be big? Should I have for lunch or dinner? Should only put tomato and cheese? Maybe mushroom also?
Mouth is watering like anything.
Next step come home. Wife is not talking. Son is in bedroom working from home. Nobody is speaking. What is the problem? Mystery of mysteries. Then I go to storeroom. Maavu is gone. Like Harold Holt, old Prime Minister of Australia, totally disappeared.
“Kamalam, where is maavu?” Like talking to bougainvillea. No answer.
Then maid will come and say, “Uncle, I thought some fungus is growing, put everything into dustbin. Very sorry. Please don’t get angry.”
Whether I got angry? Never. Immediately I went to Internet and told billion-dollar company to send pizza. I sat alone in the bedroom and ate happily. Kamalam came and said, “Old man, eating alone or any sharing is there?” I said, “Pizza for you is ready. It is in the dustbin.”
This is the end of recipe.
Yours in satisfaction,
Source: Thanks https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/columns/pizza-maavu-welcome-to-mr-mathroobootham-food-recipe-website/article30642218.ece